Why Hope is the energy charge we all need
The moment I was told to let go of hope was the same moment I defiantly lashed myself to it, as if to the mast of a raft in a storm. In defiance of defeat, I was keeping myself tied fast to hope when those I looked to for it had no lifebelt to throw me. Hope, back then, was all I had. Turns out that it was exactly what I needed. Perhaps it’s what you need too.
I sailed out of the hospital that day lashed tightly to my mast of Hope into the stormy waters of what was to come
It had taken years to get to this room, the room where I thought I might finally get an answer, or at least some insights, into my many years of chronic illness. I was 32 years old and in the pain clinic of my local hospital, feeling like I’d arrived at the last chance saloon for relief and respite.
After asking me how I had been doing and listening to my earnest tales of all the new things I’d been trying, the doctor held my gaze as my eyes pleaded with him to tell me the next steps I could take. Instead, in that quiet, tired and impersonal room, he told me to let go of hope.
‘Hope is holding you back,’ he said. And as I stared at him in crushed disbelief, he explained that it would be better to accept my condition and adapt to it, rather than keep on searching for a way to get ‘better’. He posited that ‘better’ wasn’t an option. Only acceptance was. And hope, he said, had no place in that equation.
The pain clinic back then was different to now, and I think with hindsight I understand the message he was trying to give me. But on that day, it was the final lifebuoy being pulled away from me. On that particular day, my outlook on life changed. I realised that outsourcing some things to qualified specialists was all well and good, but I wasn’t going to be told how to manage my desire to thrive, heal or hope for better. Those were reasons to stay alive, to keep moving forward and to find a pathway through adversity, and they were mine alone to decide how to use.
I sailed out of the hospital that day lashed tightly to my mast of Hope into the stormy waters of what was to come. Towards an incredible future I didn’t know was possible, but that I hoped could be.
What is hope?
The concept of hope can be seen as esoteric, its meaning chameleon-like. It is often seen as a wish, perhaps whimsical or fantastical, but hope is not this. It is more closely aligned with a sense of optimism, and a pragmatic vision of one or multiple pathways to a place or state that you intend to reach.
Hope is, by proxy, a testament to not giving up. A railing against failing. It’s what we lean on when we have nothing concrete to give. No firm, empirical assurances. Just a desire and vision of something better. A vote for a brighter day, a better future, and the patience, energy and resilience to get us there.
Hope acts as the energy charge that propels us from misery into forward momentum.
How to find hope
Are you facing some challenges? Feeling a bit overwhelmed? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Things are going to improve just like you hope they will.
You’re not perfect, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s exactly how you’re meant to be. The things you might consider difficult or broken about yourself, or the world around you, are actually the chinks where the sun can pour in to help you grow. To shine the light into your inner world, showing you where you need to focus your energy.
You’re not supposed to get things right all the time, and you’re absolutely not meant to get through this life blemish- free, unscathed and having never screwed up. In fact, the very things about you that have been broken and show flaws are the parts that can end up being the most beautiful and resilient, if you honour and mend them with love.
Hope acts as the energy charge that propels us from misery into forward momentum
Nothing demonstrates this idea more evocatively than the 16th-century Japanese art of Kintsugi, where breakage and mending of an item of pottery serves to make it more memorable, unique and appealing, as well as nodding to the history and life of the item itself. The practice can be linked to a philosophy of non-attachment, which we can borrow and apply to how we see ‘ourselves’. None of us are immutable. We are not one fixed person or way of being, and the world around us certainly isn’t predictable or fixed. It doesn’t serve us to hold tightly to a status quo or form of being, as change will inevitably come. Kintsugi shows a way to keep the vessel that has been changed or damaged, and to mend the break with something beautiful, like lacquer dusted with powdered gold, rather than attempt to conceal or disguise the ‘injury’.
In our lives we will collect fractures, wounds and deep breakages. If we expend vital energy attempting to conceal these perceived imperfections, then we are never showing our ever-evolving true faces to the world we inhabit and the people we engage with. There’s also little point throwing the damaged item away: it still works, it just needs a little repair. Better, perhaps, to look to Kintsugi for guidance. We can learn to embrace our broken bits, honour the learning they gave us by mending them with our finest materials, and then show those scars to the world with no shame. It is when we have learned to look at, mend, nurture and respectfully share our damage that we can truly connect with others and live an authentic life.
Your broken bits truly are your superpowers. So why not let them shine?
Tools to cultivate hope
If you’re feeling lost, then lead with how you want to feel. The ‘doing’ is sometimes much easier to figure out when you know if it’ll take you towards a desired state of ‘feeling’. Do you want to feel more in control? Perhaps more creative? Maybe you want to feel free, or maybe more secure and rooted?
Take a moment to create a mind map or list of the key feelings you’re aiming for, and then you can use that to set your compass to the actions you need to take to get there.
What can you do that’s manageable today, that will get you moving in the direction you want? Where can you take the tiniest bit of action that starts your wheels turning?
You could:
— Map out your whirling thoughts about the upcoming project onto paper, then cut that paper up and rearrange it so you have a priority list.
— Watch a how-to video on YouTube.
— Do a 10-minute home workout to get your body moving again, no matter how basic or slow it might seem when compared to your longer-term physical goal.
— Call or email the doctor’s surgery or therapist and get that first appointment booked in, even if it’s a few weeks away.
— Ask someone if they’ll help you with that thing you can’t do alone — you know, that thing you’re avoiding that’s stopping the rest of the plan.
— Get up, put your shoes on, open the door and walk for 10 minutes in one direction and then 10 minutes back home. Or more. Even if it’s raining. You’ll feel better for it. Consider making it a daily routine.
I promise you that once you’re under way, it’s easier to keep going. Perseverance is the dogged ability to keep doing one small thing, day in day out, towards your goals. To get some momentum, and the only way to start, is to just… begin.
Adversity is your ally
With a little practice and a pivot of perspective, it is absolutely possible to see adversity as your ally and teacher. To see that which gradually drains you of hope like a small hole in your bicycle tyre as the reason to get off the bike and set about learning how to fix it. It might sound trite, but it’s possible.
Consider whether you can make friends with your adversary, whatever it might be. When I embraced my chronic pain as my friend, it calmed down. As my system let go of combat and fear of loss, of gripping white-knuckled to a ‘win’ and perfect health or being pain-free, my body had space to see what it was actually feeling. It was the equivalent of putting down my weapons on the front line and stepping out of the trenches into no-man’s land to play football and break bread with my pain.
Once your adversity has shown you your limits, you can work within those limits and help improve your situation. Instead of blindly wrestling my body up and out for a long walk after fistfuls of painkillers, I swallowed instead my pride, and asked my pain what it was able to do that day. This meant that instead of a 10k coast walk we might do a 2k stroll to the beach and back. When I’d been ‘fighting’, the 10k option would have made me feel victorious and jubilant momentarily, but then bereft and defeated when
I couldn’t walk that evening and had to cancel things over the next few days — back to square one again. But for a 2k walk, I managed to see people on the way, speak to friends, socialise, enjoy my time in the elements, return home feeling accomplished and know that the next day my body would feel fine, and that next time we could perhaps do 2.5k. It seems simplistic, but you’d be amazed how many of us are stuck in a loop battling the things we think are our key enemies, when really, we just need to bring the wolf inside and work within limits that both can find achievable.
What if, instead of feeling utterly discouraged and hopeless because you didn’t get the promotion you applied for, you asked what it was that held you back, had the grace to listen to critique and used that to help you hone key skills for the two or three other positions you apply for (and get) when you’re truly ready?
What if, instead of feeing hopeless and overwhelmed when you see trash along the roads, plastic on the beach and read about global climate disasters, you instead put on some gloves, bought a litter picker, and filled a bag with trash to put in the bin when you go out on your daily or weekly walk? You can’t fight the world. You can’t change huge problems overnight, but you absolutely can bring that adversity in and ask what it needs from you. It needs you to help, and by clearing your local trail, the edges of a car park, school lane or hedgerow, you’re befriending the issue and making a tangible and empirical difference. You feel invested and involved, and that is galvanising. Your energy is spent not on sleepless nights and despair, but instead on setting an example to those who see you, leading others to do the same, and building community around a problem. Making the abstract fear a concrete, solvable and manageable task, which will all add to the solution of the whole.
Something is always better than nothing.
— A walk instead of a run if your knees hurt
— Volunteering when you can’t afford a ticket
— Helping someone for just 20 minutes rather than not showing up at all because you are too busy
— Seeing age as a gift of wisdom and experience rather than a handcart to the grave
Adversity will come as surely as the sunrise and the tides. There is no ducking or avoiding it. Fighting the tide will exhaust only you, not the ocean. So, see it for what it is: part of the ebb and flow of living. As your teacher with lessons in hand. Negotiate the best way through for you both and turn that adversity into a building block to step onto, taking you ever closer to your goals.
Gail Muller is a Cornish adventurer, author, speaker and coach. She has faced a raft of adversity in her life and has moved through considerable challenges with hope and courage. Recently diagnosed with ADHD at 44, she also struggled for fifteen years with musculoskeletal issues and the resulting chronic pain. In 2019, after considerable physical rehabilitation, she set out to walk the Appalachian Trail in the USA. Do Hope: Why you should never give up is published by The Do Book Company. Out this October, available to order now. Links below.
Extract from Do Hope: Why you should never give up by Gail Muller. Text copyright © Gail Muller 2023. Published by The Do Book Co.
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